I guess time is really taking its toll on me. I am still working on getting my degree and I am realizing that it will soon be time for my daughter to choose a college. I feel a little behind the times in some aspects, however, I have and have had a full range of experiences in this lifetime, for which I am very grateful. I just wish that her going on to college didn’t mean her leaving home. I know that she will want to go and as her mother I should definitely and will definitely encourage it, but she is my only daughter and although the nest will not be empty when she leaves, I will miss her desperately.
She is a very strong academic student and she is taking an SAT test prep glass and contacting the admissions departments at some of the colleges throughout the state. I know that she is interested in a school that will offer her the opportunity to some schooling online, however she wants to go to a campus so she won’t be considering a completely online university. Although she is very much a good student, she is used to being in classes and going to school. I am afraid that if she were just working on an online degree that she would get really lazy and not finish her work. She is the type who needs a teacher standing over her every now and again to see what she is doing.
With me being in school, we will need to find her some money to go away to school and we have been looking into some academic scholarship programs that may afford her some free money to use toward her schooling. I know if she does some good test preparation that she can score really high on her SAT’s and that will really get her lined up for some good scholarships. She already has made plans to go away to school with her best friend, who is a year ahead of her in school, so I am not really sure that will work out, but that is what she is talking about, and I think it is healthy for her to make plans and talk of leaving the nest.
I know she will do well, and I can’t wait for her to have the opportunity to go away and spread her wings, but I just don’t know how I will survive in the house of testosterone…alone. (LOL)
Posted on Saturday, August 23, 2008 9:06 PM by Carol Ann
I can't believe summer is already coming to a close. Last year we went on two vacations over the summer break, but this year we haven't been able to go on a vacation at all. I am struggling just to get the kids back to school and am feeling really kind of sad that we haven't gotten to go on a family vacation. We love to stay at hotels and even motels and in the past I have been able to find a weekly vacation rental that did not cost a fortune. Unfortunately, with a large family, normal hotel accommodations don't always cut it. We sometimes have to get two separate rooms, just to accommodate the family and that leaves my husband and I sleeping separate, as leaving the kids to have their own room is not really an option at their ages. Although, I think the older ones would love it, they are not quite to that place yet.
I am really hoping that I can afford a beachfront rental in the coming month or so where the weather will still allow for an enjoyable beach vacation, but the prices will be down because it is off season. My soon to be 13 year old has informed me that he would really like for our family to take a ski vacation over this coming winter. He really wants to try and ski, but I am not sure how much staying at a ski lodge will cost. I will look into it for him, but I don't know if it will be possible to take 2 vacations this year, since I have been really struggling just to put one short vacation together.
Times are really tough and for a large family like ours we are really feeling the pinch. My husband finally has a better job again, but I have learned a lot over the past year and I now know that saving is way more important than getting in that extra vacation. We have had a really tough year, but in that time I have learned a lot more about the importance of saving money and trying to get ahead and stay ahead. With an unstable economy and rising food costs, it has become more important than ever to create a cushion for ourselves, even if that means tightening the belt more than it needs to be tightened. This is a lesson that I think our whole society is getting the hard way.
Posted on Monday, August 18, 2008 9:06 AM by Carol Ann
The Bermuda Triangle…Family, Money, School
With back to school time rapidly approaching, there is so much to do, especially if you have kids. You have to get the school supplies, new clothes, pay the school fees, and attend the open house nights (which in my case puts me at 3 different schools). That is right, the more kids you have the crazier it is, and yet the happier you are that school is beginning again…Am I right? Anyway, in our house, it is not just the kids who have to get ready to go back to school, but Mom as well, and therefore I have been really thinking about how to effectively finish up my degree and still balance it with being the mother to 4 very active and talented children. Well, as you know the boys play soccer and that will take up to 6 days every week when in full swing, and at least 5 days for sure. Then my oldest one wants to take singing and piano, and my oldest son is joining jazz band which means staying after school 1 day a week. My youngest will probably want to go back to cooking classes this fall, another after school program. With all these activities all afternoon and being in class all day, I will never get anything done. Sure they could help, but they probably won't and my husband will be working and running the kids everywhere too, so I am just not sure what my plans should be at this point. Also, with money being so tight and with my schooling accumulating more debt for us in the form of student loans, it really makes it difficult on the family if I don't work.
I understand the plight of the working women of the world. You want to raise your kids, be there for them with brownies every afternoon; however you also want them to be able to go to college and get married some day. Balancing the priority of family and the need for money becomes a constant tug of war physically and emotionally. I know that the loan rates are pretty good right now, and we have been relatively debt free for a while now, but still I am not sure that with the current economy it is a wise choice to refinance. I just worry about where the financial times are leading to. Are we headed towards the bread lines of the 1920's and if so isn't it hard to imagine picking up more debt right now? Credit cards are helpful; however you can't live on them, not if you want to have any credit left when you are through.
Posted on Wednesday, August 06, 2008 1:25 PM by Carol Ann
Easier Said Than Done
Being a wife and mother on top of being a student just adds extra pressure to tighten the purse strings. My husband has just started a new job after being out of work for some time and it is good to know that he will back getting health insurance at a good price in addition to getting back into 401K savings again. We have accumulated some credit card debt since he has been out of work and of course I have accumulated some student loans along the way. We have been living off our savings and it will be very freeing to be able to start paying down our debt and start to save again.
I have some serious issues that I am trying to work on in this area and so I know it is going to be tough. Unlike my husband, I am a spender. Savings is not my specialty and that makes me a little nervous. I am afraid that finally having a decent income again might cause me to spend more as it usually does. I don't mean to do it and this time I am trying to prepare myself for it. This has been a huge issue in my marriage. I love to buy things for my kids. I don't need to buy for myself, as a matter of fact I don't. The kids however are a completely different story. If I have the money then I have a hard time saying no to them, and of course they have learned this and take full advantage.
I can see that the overall economy is not doing well, and I really am trying to do some things already to cut down our expenses so that when that first paycheck comes of my husband's I will have a savings plan in place. I need to start saving as if it is another bill, to be paid first and not just with whatever I have left over at the end of the week. I want to be debt free and stay debt free. As a matter of fact I just changed banks and will be attending a free class that they have their about debt management and budgeting, so maybe I can truly figure out where and how I am going wrong. I just want to know that my family is on a good financial footing now, so that when I actually graduate school and get a better job that our family finances can truly soar. I don't want to spend every penny I make with nothing put aside for an emergency or the future.
Posted on Wednesday, August 06, 2008 12:50 PM by Carol Ann
The adventures began last night. With 4 kids there is never a dull moment. Well, last night my two youngest kids went to sleep over a friend's house for his birthday. To be quite honest, besides my oldest one who likes to sleep over places, the others are not into it. They will stay until it gets real late and then usually make me come get them, but I keep holding out for the day when they will successfully go and stay the night somewhere. Well, I dropped the younger ones at their friend's house at about 5, when the party started and looked forward to just having the two older kids for the evening, and of course my husband. I got some things done around the house, and about 8:30pm, my oldest son Jesse tells me that he wants to take a walk down to the ball field (which is conveniently located in the lot behind ours). He leaves and hangs out for a little while, and then he returns about 9:00pm and asks me for some money and apparently leaves the house at about 9:15pm to head over to the ball field for a snack, without his shoes on. Keep in mind that I don't realize that he has his shoes off. In any case, my daughter is yip yapping on the phone with some friends and all of a sudden she comes in the room, hands me the phone, and says Jacob is on the phone. I get on the phone and a little voice tells me that he has a bee sting and wants me to come get him. I begin looking for the baking soda (for the bee sting) and as I am hurriedly looking for the baking soda to take with me, my daughter hands me the phone, and the voice then tells me that he wants me to meet him half way, and I am thinking that this is Jacob, who is 9 and it is dark and where he's at is down a winding road about a mile away. I begin to tell him, no stay there and I will come and get you. Finally, something clues me in that it is my oldest son Jesse and that he wants me to meet him half way, so I look out the back window and see that it is dark (the ball field lights have been shut off) so I tell him, I can't come right now, I have to go because Jacob has a bee sting, I will have your father or Jenna come and get you. Before he really has a chance to say much of anything else, I abruptly hang up the phone, get in my car and drive up the road to get Jacob. When I get to the house, I knock and the older brother lets me in. There in front of me stands Jacob and he is just fine, and I then think that maybe it was John my youngest, well I walk in the den and the kids are in there watching a movie. My youngest sitting Indian style on the floor eating a bowl of popcorn which he has wedged between his legs says, "Mom, what are you doing here?!". Well, all of a sudden I say oh shoot, it is Jesse that has the bee sting. The boys older brother gives a real belly laugh, and I apologize, hop back in the car and return home, to find my son and my husband both looking at me. They really could not figure out why I left or anything. I explained the story and I don't think that they really got that the confusion came in when Jenna handed me the phone and told me it was Jacob. Needless to say it was quite the embarrassing evening!
Posted on Sunday, June 15, 2008 10:28 PM by Carol Ann
I literally run my bottom off everyday. With 4 kids, a job, a household, a husband, and school, it is no wonder I can find time to sleep, eat and breathe, and no wonder that my house looks like a cyclone hit it most days. This is not because I don't clean, but because the messes come faster than the cleaning does. I often wonder if I just stop cleaning, would it be any messier. Maybe, in theory the messing comes from the cleaning. Which if this is the case, than if I stopped cleaning completely then maybe the kids would stop messing; maybe it is worth a shot?
On a more serious note however, I am really cracking down on my kids this summer. I am already setting up many activities for them to insure that they are not too bored. For all of you parents out there who stay home with their kids during the summer, you understand, especially if you have a lot of kids like I do. Boredom just leads to trouble. This trouble usually manifests itself in endless whining about how there is "Nothing to do!" which I always make sure to offer my children that I have plenty to do, and if they are really that bored, they can do the laundry. The most common response to that is "You know what I mean, not work, fun stuff!". Well, quite frankly I am not so sure why it really is that they need to be entertained so much. I mean we live in a house with toys, books, movies, computers, video games, a big yard with balls, soccer equipment, baseball equipment, and even volleyball net. They claim to really not like to be in school, but it seems as soon as they don't get to go there anymore, the whining begins. And that is just the beginning because in my house the whining and boredom then turn into battles. They get so stir crazy that all they can figure out to do is to pick at each other until an all out brawl occurs. It is really very interesting how they want their time filled so much, that even spending it in a timeout chair nursing a bloody nose seems better than being BORED!
In any case, I am really trying to combat the boredom with some structured activities. I know that somehow my children are not the only kids who get all nutty come summer break, so I have encouraged my children to create a one day a week activity day and invite everyone they can think of to come out and chill one prescheduled day per week. For my son, I suggested a weekly soccer game, same field each week. He can invite anyone he knows who wants to come out and play soccer. We even offered to pick up a few pizzas and sodas for the boys and the parents can just drop off and pick up and we will watch them (just in case with a large group of preteen boys). For my daughter, I suggested putting together a girl at the mall night. One night a week, everyone can get together and go to the mall and hang out. They could make it a movie night also if they want since there is a theater right there at the mall.
Being a family with so many structured activities during the school year, when school ends and all the activities end, it makes for some really bored children, and I think rightfully so. We as parents can create our own activities for the masses and give some much needed structure and peer social interactions to the lazy days of summer.
Posted on Thursday, June 12, 2008 10:25 PM by Carol Ann
Okay, so this weekend we made a trip to attend my sister in laws wedding. Wendy who has just turned forty finally married the man wh has been living with for the last four years. Now I know that a wedding is supposed to be a happy occassion, however, my mother in law is not doing well. We don't come to visit very often because my mother in law is a game player and a manipulator, and can be extremely difficult to deal with. It seems like perhaps she is suffering from dementia or alzheimers or something. I am not really sure. All I can say for sure is that she is driving my poor sister in laws batty.
They have always been an extremely co dependent family. Which is quite honestly why we don't live too close to them. My mother in law, always known for turning the tables on people is driving my sister in laws nuts. Everything she is doing, they can't figure out if it is a game, or if she is truly losing her mind. My sister in law Cindy, confided in me yesterday, that she is really angry with her mother because it seems as if she is constantly manipulating and trying to get people to feel sorry for her. My sister in law told me about a situation where Mom needed to get her dress for the wedding fitted and wanted my sister in law to take her. Cindy told me that she took the day off work, ran around and got all her stuff done to be sure to get Mom over for her 3:30pm dress fitting. She said that she arrived at the house to pick Mom up and Mom was fixing some Mac & Cheese for my step daughter who was in town for the wedding. When she said to her mother that it was time to go, her mother said "I can go later, the time doesn't matter". Well, Cindy said that she thought she was going to kill her, but tried to roll with it. Then while riding over, my sister in law tried to discuss this with her, and my mother in law said, "well some people just need to stop thinking that everything is about them all the time". Well, we talked it though and about things that maybe she can do to try and help Mom, I am not sure whether or not she will truly follow up with these things or not, but I guess it was worth a shot.
Well, today my mother in law did the same thing to me, and quite honestly, it really frustrated me. Last night, we took my step daughter back to the hotel with us, and since she flys home today, and since my in laws were going to take her back to the airport, I asked them what time they needed to have her back. I was told that they would have to be leaving the house at 8:00am, so I shot to get her back to their house by 7:45am. Well, you know girls, my step daughter then informs me that she needs to straighten her hair in the morning so she needs an extra 20 minutes to do this. I wake up at 6:50am and get her up. She does her primping and we get back to my in laws house at 7:45am. When we arrive, my mother in law is just pulling on her robe like she is just getting out of bed and my father in law steps out of the bathroom with a shaving cream covered face. Now I didn't get to sleep until about 1am and I am exhausted. I say to my mother in law that she had better hurry up and get ready, and she tells me, "oh no, her flight out is not until about 11am so we don't have to leave here until about 9:30." Well, needless to say, I wanted to scream, as in my mind what she is truly saying is that I could have slept for another hour and a half at least, but instead, I peeled myself off the bed, just to be there about 2 hours before they really needed to leave. Then to add insult to injury, my husband had received some mail at her house and she handed it to me and asked me to give it to him. Upon looking at it, she already opened it. Well, that is an extra special treat. Thanks Mom!
Posted on Tuesday, June 10, 2008 10:39 PM by Carol Ann
We had a big scare this week. My 7 year old son began complaining about right leg pain. It was in the upper portion of the leg, and I just thought it was nothing because he would complain and then go about doing what ever he wanted to without favoring it at all. I thought maybe it was growing pains.
Then one night at soccer practice, he told me that his leg was hurting too much to play. I told him to just take it easy and rest it. He did, but even when he complained about it, he didn't complain in his usual whinny way like he usually does, he was just really serious and said that he couldn't play.
When he went to bed that night, he complained again that his leg was hurting and I gave him some Tylenol and put him to bed. Once he fell asleep, he kept waking up and whining in pain and then going back to sleep. By morning he couldn't even walk on it, and I carried him to the couch and laid him down. He would seem fine at one minute, but he would cry out in pain in the next minute and I didn't know what to do since I had to go to work. I called my husband home from work so that he could stay at home with him while I went to work.
My husband called me twice that morning at work, and I told him to make an appointment for him at the pediatrician and that I would be home shortly. By the time I arrived home, it seemed as if the pain was in his groin region, and my husband was convinced that it was a hernia and that he would have to go in for surgery. I was panicked and was really trying to hold it together.
When we got to the doctor, I laid him down on the table and after the doctor examined him, he said that the pain was actually isolated in the right hip, and that it might have slipped out of the joint and that it would have to be x-rayed. I asked him what would come of it, and he said if it was just slightly out of place, that they could immobilize it and give him pain meds, but if it was more severely out of joint my little boy would need hip surgery. He said this was a very odd pain for a 7 year old boy to have, especially without any trauma. Now, needless to say I was really worried and we went off to the hospital to get his hip x-rayed.
The x-ray tech at the hospital was really frustrated at the idea of having me in the room with him, but I insisted. I have never been the type to let the doctor's and nurses take over with my kids, I fight to be present for just about anything. Anyway, they x-rayed him, but due to the amount of pain he was in, they couldn't get the x-rays exactly the way they wanted to. Then they insisted on re x-raying him which then they still didn't get what they wanted, on the third re x-ray I was concerned and started to believe that he had cancer or something and that they just didn't want to scare me.
Well finally they let me talk to the pediatrician on the phone, and he told me that thankfully the x-rays didn't show any problem in the joint, and that I could just give him ibuprofen and let him rest and he should be fine by the end of the weekend. Sure enough, the pain disappeared and he was walking and running as good as new within 48 hours. The only thing that scares me, is where did this pain come from and how can we be sure that it won't return.
Posted on Friday, June 06, 2008 1:05 AM by Carol Ann
My husband and I have decided to take a short holiday to celebrate our crystal wedding anniversary. I can barely believe it's been fifteen years since we married, but with 4 kids to look after, we haven't been able to spend much time alone with each other without the children needing us. Now that they are a little older, the younger ones are 7 & 9 and the older ones 12 & 14, I feel confident enough to leave them with my parents for a few days. I have been looking into city breaks in Washington DC, as this is only a few hours' drive away and my husband has been on the internet trying to find good deals on luxury hotels where we can pamper ourselves for a couple of nights.
I want to go to the National Gallery of Art to see Richard Misrach's exhibition 'On The Beach', which are a series of photographs he took in Hawaii. Other than that I'd be happy just walking the streets with my husband, strolling through the parks and stopping for coffee. The aim of the break is just to spend some quality time with each other rather than go sightseeing. We are hoping to make the trip in the first week of July, which will coincide with our anniversary. This will be right at the start of the kids' summer vacation so is probably the best time for us to get away as they will be excited about the holidays and hopefully won't miss us so much. These last few weeks of the summer term are going to be very busy as we wrap up for holidays, so it's giving me something to look forward to.
Posted on Tuesday, June 03, 2008 10:22 AM by Carol Ann
So, as much as I can get frustrated with the world of technology and on line intrusion, I actually appreciate the ease at which I can browse more heavy-duty features of my life on the web. For example, I have four kids, and although I am not old, I am more than wary that one day they will need some backup when I am not around anymore. Life Insurance is an easy gift to get online, and I really do see it as a gift. It's so easy to shirk away from the whole subject for fear of prompting some terrible fate. But it's just a simple process any responsible adult should take. Approaching it that way cuts out all the morbid sentimentality and just focus' on what I'm giving my children to keep them safe and protected later on. That's essentially what it is: bubble wrap, to keep them okay.
The good thing about life insurance is that it is actually more of an investment. If you get remotely philosophical about it, you actually begin to appreciate that your life extends way beyond a living-and breathing situation. Your life - so to speak - is your children, your home, and your world you have created and left behind. So it actually makes perfect sense to ensure that it's kept safe.
There's something about doing it online that helps keep it quite a formal process, there's no emotional speech from the insurers or you to make you feel the weight of a future you essentially have little say in. I took an afternoon to browse the various investments available to me and my family. There are simply a ton of sites to choose from - really. I narrowed it down to a site called Asda Finance, because they had an on line life insurance form for families I could fill in and get an immediate quote from. I compared it with a few others and for what it offers, it seems fair. I also looked at pension ideas at Virgin Money, which was useful for my long-term planning (although this is probably far more of a gift to me!).
It just makes me feel that it's a number on a shopping list I've been compiling for some time that I got round to checking off. It'll pay off mortgages and when the kids go to college, I can rest assure that they'll graduate without too much debt, whatever happens. Life Insurance is a clean, decisive way of sorting out the financial hangovers one leaves behind after you go. Instead of it being an administrative task that you avoid at all costs, and leave until the last minute, it should put your mind at ease.
Posted on Monday, June 02, 2008 4:35 AM by Carol Ann