Grifter Hans on Campus Fun

May 13th and 26th, 2003.
What's good and what's baaaaaad at the University of Maryland: College Park Campus? Where should you have fun? Where should you eat? My answers are here.

Locations of Interest:

Parking Garage #2 "Regent Garage" WAM Lab.

This place was really sweet, but now all these people hang out there. In the afternoons, you can't even get a network jack for your laptop without waiting in line. This place is still OK if you come late or early, however. It's a 24/7 lab, so you can go anytime you like. The MAC section of the lab is pretty abandoned, which is cool if you know the secret to get the computers to start from a bootup CD-ROM that you made at home (Hold the 'C' key when you turn on the computer). Then you can play any game you like (that fit on the CD.. And the internet doesn't work either.. Oh well..).

Third Floor, Engineering Library

This place used to be really cool in the afternoons, and it still is, but only near the beginning of the semester while no-one is going there to study. The corner of the library has two really large windows with curtains that you can move, so you can get an excellent view of the sunset from up there. It's almost like studying on the roof, only you don't have to cart all your stuff up a ladder to get there.

Rita's Taco Bell, Engineer's Cafeteria

You found your way down to the Science Quadrant to check out my locations, then you got hungry! Don't feel like trekking back up to Campus Center? Rita's Taco Bell is the answer to your prayers! Rita works at the Taco Bell in the cafeteria, and she makes the BEST food EVER! I try to eat there at least once a week 'cause she is so cheerful. Kate also works in there.

Scary Restroom, Basement of Math Building

There's a restroom in the basement of the Mathematics building that is super scary. It's totally dark, and deserves to have a ghost story written about it. Also, the paper towel dispenser is sometimes empty. Definitely a "use at your own risk" room.

Disgusting Restrooms, Front of Chemistry Building

The restrooms in the front part of the Chemistry Building near the lecture halls should be avoided. They are very small, and have to service an insane number of people everyday.

Nice Restrooms, Back of Chemistry Building

I recommend going down to the other end of the labs hallway and taking the stairs up to 2F for the women's room, and 3F for the men's room. No one wants to climb multiple stairways, so you can find really awesome, clean restrooms up there. Just an F.Y.I. for all you visitors. (They should post direction signs in the hallways so newbies don't have to suffer.)

Shower in a Restroom?

Also, if you've got an extra minute, check out the Men's room across from the boiler room access in the lower level right below the main to CHEM. Although it only has one Sink and 1 1/2 commodes, there's also a FULL SHOWER in there!? Too bad you have to bring your own shampoo... But I guess it's good if you need to fresh up after your laboratory period is over.

Weird water splash thing in the Physics Building

If you are in 3F Physics, check out the Men's room on the Chemistry side of the building. There's this weird thing in there that splashes water upwards when you step on it instead of a sink. Wow.

Hangout with IEEE (and their Microwave)

IEEE has an awesome base on campus. It's in the lower level of the Engineering building, just under the Engineering Lab. It even has a Microwave in it! The best part is that the people in there are super-friendly. I totally love hanging out there and eating out of their many vending machines. They also have soft couches to nap on, if you are tired and need to rest.

Skateboarding near Campus Center

There are all these black marks on the concrete near Campus Center. They are from skaters! There's no rule against skateboarding responsibly on campus (except during Lunch Hour), so a lot of people practice their Grinds on the curved concrete in front of the Bio-PSY building (near Hornbake Library and Microbiology). I played Tony Hawk on my Playstation, and I can see how fun real skating could be from that.

The Dairy (on Route 1)

The school's agricultural department makes ice cream fresh and sends it to the Dairy for students to buy. It's really good, but since the building also doubles as a Visitor's Center, you have to wait in line to buy it, especially during the Spring semester.

Testudo Statue near McKeldon Library

There are apparently at least three Testudo statues on campus, but the only one I see regularly is the one outside McKeldon library in the center of the campus. You are encouraged to leave sacrifices for Testudo so that somehow you will get a better grade on your tests. Food is good, and also small shiny objects. The best sacrifices are mini-versions of things that you have; I saw a tiny burrito made from the edge of a normal one left next to the McKeldon Testudo. I'm sure that he appreciated it. If you do well on your test you should leave a Coin next to him. Note: stealing from a Shrine is not a good idea.

The Abandoned Stacks, 3F McKeldon Library

Up on the third floor of McKeldon Library, if you travel all the way to the Southwestern end of the Stacks, you will come to a land of movable shelves. In the thirty hours or so I have spent studying up there, I have only thrice met another living soul. It's also an awesome place to stash stuff. People will steal anything that is large enough to notice, but FlashRAM chips get smaller every day. This semester, I had a CD-ROM hidden in the Abandoned Stacks for over three months.

Roof Access through Talliferro Hall

From the roof of Talliferro you can almost see the Churchyard and the Fields of the Raven Knight (See Later). The way to get there? It's too long to memorize it all-at-once, so I'm going to tell it to you in two parts. First, you have to get to The Square, an open area in the center of the building. Once you get in there, you just have to Get Out AliveTM ;) But with my directions, you hold a hand full of Aces in a poker game of Twos.

Part 1: The Square

First enter the "front" door of Talliferro, on the side away from McKeldon. There are pillars and the name of the building is written on top. Then turn left, and go around the corner to the right past two restrooms. You will soon see a doorway on your right that has "EXIT>" written near it. Go into the access stairwell, and make your way down two floors until you see a door on the right that doesn't have an alarm trip on it. The correct door has a paper note that says "Be sure to check that the door is Closed. Security is Everyone's Responsibility." The sign might be missing when you get there; it wasn't fastened very well when I was exploring the building. Anyway, after you go out the door you will find yourself in a mini-square inside the Talliferro Hall/Key Building complex.

Part 2: The Roof

Turning right, proceed diagonally across the main part of the square to a metal construct staircase that leads upwards. Climb up all five stories, and you will be right on the roof of the building. Enjoy the awesome view, then make your way back down by retracing your steps. An alternate entrance to the Hall is through the door at the bottom of the metal access stairs. It drops you near the bottom of the indoor stairwell that was to the right of the main entrance.

The Missing Stairwell, Susquehanna Building

If you go to the English building, and enter by the door on the southwest corner you will find a stairwell very close by. If you walk into the dead end on the stairwell and turn around and look straight up, you can see where the construction workers accidentally installed the stair segment that was supposed to be in South Campus, Calvert Hall in SQH instead. Either that, or Spiderman lives on campus and got into doing machine graffiti.

Gyros at the Marathon Deli

Once you walked all the way to SQH from CHM, you probably worked up a big appetite. Great! You can go to the Marathon Deli (directly North of SQH), and buy Gyros for cash only there! The shop is pretty sweet; they have incredibly large and filling portions. If you are super hungry, ask for the Eggplant Sub, or order the Value Meal components separately. The cost is $7.77 for a full meal of Large Fries, Cherry Coke, and Gyro ($6.90 if you want the Combo version (fewer Fries)).

Games at the CD/Game Exchange

Almost next door to Marathon is a great CD shop, the "CD/Game Exchange." They are an old-school style shop where you can take your CDs and trade six or seven for two or three of the ones they have in the store. But it's even better if you bring back CDs that you just got there; then you usually can trade in about 1.2 CDs in exchange for one of the ones that they have in the shop. It's especially cool if you buy something you don't like, since they do the same thing for games too. It's like having a rental subscription.

Fields of the Raven Knight

If you ever heard the Legend of the Raven Knight, you will be glad to know that she controls a good section of campus already. The fields south from Fraternity Row and north of Campus Chapel are all part of her domain. For the moment she seems to have ordered a Halt March, which is odd. Perhaps there is something more mysterious about the Computational Linguistics building than we first thought..?

Computational Linguistics, just West of the Fields

This building has a strange geometry. It is easy to get lost in, and the hallways do not line up at all. If I were going to put money on which building Yog-soloth will apporach campus through, it would definitely be through this one. If you have an extra minute, and don't want to get lost, enter the door above the stairs on the Mall side of the building and look straight up. How does that construct stay up there, and why is its shadow burned into the floor tiles?

Watering Center, Biochemistry Building

These really cool and vintage red things are on every floor of the Biochemistry building on the southwest corner. It's this kind of modular unit built into the wall that includes an ashtray, a water fountain, a fire alarm, a fire extinguisher, a trash can, and a Utility Cabinet. All of it is color-coordinated and trimmed in some kind of reddish orange bakelite. Definitely a place to get a photo taken. The one on the third floor looks broken, because one of the access panel's clamps failed. Someone put the panel in the Utility Cabinet for storage until it could be repaired.

Dangerous Things on Campus

The only problem with visiting the Biochemistry building is the radiation and chemical hazards, not to mention the biological ones. Did you know that there are experiments on Anthrax going on right on our campus? We also have a breeder reactor in the Atomics building. If you go farther that way, there is even a barn with horses in it. Beyond that, a huuuuge parking lot full of cars, and a highway. Whatever you do, be careful, and look before you cross any streets. And pray that Yog-soloth isn't summoned anytime soon.
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