Battle Report: Yu-Gi-Oh! HYPER DE*THMATCH!
Pegasus VS Pegasus Duel #9.
As I write these words, my enemy, RobinCHA-KaBOOMgerang sits across the table from me, a smug grin on his face. I have been defeated in six of the last eight Duels, and only has my luck just started to turn. The game begins with a Draw of Five cards.

My Hand: Urabi, Man-Eater, Rush Recklessly, Dream Clown, and Fissure.
RobCHA beats me to the punch. Drawing first, he sets four magics, and summons HIS Urabi to the table (ATK/1500, DEF/800). In attack position, it menaces me with a cold stare from its red eyes. The light from the bare 60W Incandescent bulb hanging over my head is reflected in glints on its clawed hands and feet. He speaks “Are you finished?”
It’s my turn.

I draw a card. The Enchanted Javelin. Desperate times require desperate measures. I lay my Man-Eating Bug face down so RobinCHA can not see what it is. My intention is that he will attack me with Uraby next round, which, when my Bug flips, shall destroy it. This will let me attack him with my Uraby. I also set three of my Magics.

RobCHA’s turn. He draws, and returns my hopefully menacing glare with a baleful stare of his own. Then he lays a card on the table face-down, in Defensive position. “Set.” his voice intones the name of the Egyptian God of Death. So fitting, for one who is about to lose his Uraby to my Man-Eating Bug. “Battle Phase.” he sneers “Uraby here attacks Mr. KONAMI.”
I flip my Man-Eating Bug with a howl of triumph. As my CD player belts out the theme song from Zorro, RobCHA announced the deaths of both monsters, stating our new life totals simply, 6950 to 8K.

With the completion of the battle phase, RobCHA shifts to a defensive stance. He holds his one card in his hand, slowly rotating it upside down and rightside up as he waits for me to make my move. I draw from my Deck, praying that the card is something that will be of use in my battle against RobCHA. I gasp as I stare upon the insectoid visage of Muka-Muka. Maybe this game will turn out all right after all. I summon my Uraby, and set it on his mysterious face-down card.

Robin-CHA-kaBOOMgerang flips it to reveal a Giant Soldier of Stone. Screaming “EAT THIS!!!” he urges it to a frenzy. My Uraby, with its attack of 1500, apparently stands no chance against the Giant Soldier’s DEF/2000. However, I have other plans than to watch my Uraby die pointlessly as it charges the stout defender. I activate my third Magic, Rush Recklessly, which increases my attack by 700PTS. Now the Giant Soldier doesn’t stand a chance. “But wait!” RobCHA says, and just as he reaches for his Magic the phone rings. “Hello?” “No, this is Robin.”
“We were just playing a collectible card game.”
“It’s called YuGiOh.”
“You try to defeat your opponent in a magical duel.”
“They went out to return a car that they were thinking about buying.”
“Yes.”
“So, um...”
“Um... Uncle Mark, right?”
“I guess I’ll tell them you called.”
“Thank you!”
“Bye.”
“That’s Uncle Mark.”
Turning back to the game, RobinCHA-kaBOOMgerang prepares his hastily-prepared defense.
“You DIE!” I scream in triumph.
“No! YOU die!” RobCHA shouts, Activating his Castle Walls trap card. As it takes effect, his Giant Soldier gains an additional 500PTS of Defense. This brings the match to my Uraby’s attack of 2200 versus his defense of 2500. I am totally going to die, and there is nothing I can do about it. Sighing in despair, I reluctantly discard my Uraby and Rush Recklessly. I also take an addition 300PTS of damage to my Life, bringing my total to 6650, against RobCHA’s still-perfect 8000. Is this a portent of how the Duel will turn out?

“Curse you! CURSE YOU!”

My turn is obviously over. “Are you done yet?” I say to signal my givingupness.

RobCHA draws a card, then Sets it in his Magics/Traps area. Then he shifts his Giant Soldier to attack position. “Chaaaaarrge!” he shouts, but a little prematurely. “Robin.” I say. “You have forgotten one thing. I wasn’t finished.”
“To declare Battle Phase.” he says quietly to himself.
I Activate my Second Magic, which I had set on the first turn. It’s name: Fissure. Opening under the Giant Soldier, it swallows it before it even gets to cry out one last time to its Master. I toss the Fissure card into my graveyard simultaneously with Robin’s Giant Soldier.
Robin isn’t finished however. His Graceful Charity allows him to draw an additional three cards from his Deck. He stares balefully upon his hand, then picks two to discard: the Soul Release and the Black Illusion Ritual, used for summoning the Relinquished, an awful beast that assimilates opponents cards and takes on their very forms. He finishes his discard by tossing his Charity. A fitting gesture for one who shows no mercy.

Setting a last Magic card, RobCHA follows by summoning his Dream Clown, which has an awful power indeed. When it is shifted from Attack position to Defense, it can destroy an opponent’s Monster, giving it no chance to defend itself.

“Battlephase.” Rob says it as one word. “Dream Clown... Atchoo.” “Gezundheit.” “NO! At. YOU!” RAAAAAARRRHHHH!!!
The Dream Clown’s assault is without effect, since I use my final Trap, the Enchanted Javelin, to counter the damage with an equal amount of healing. My life remains at 6650, for the moment... I discard my Javelin, and Rob says “One last thing....” and flips his Black Pendant. This Equip Magic increases the attack of his Dream Clown from its normally harsh 1200PTS to a menacing ATK/1700, which is impossible to counter with a normally summoned creature. If I’m going to survive this, I’ll have to use all the cleverness and resources I can get.

“Are you finished..?” Rob ritualistically ends his turn.

Choking in frustration, I draw a card from my Deck. Another useless addition to my already spreading hand of worthlessness. I Set it on the table in a Defensive stance. At least it will buy me some time while I try to think of something... anything... that could save my neck from his unstoppable assault.
“Are you finished?” I try to return his sunglass-obscured stare, but my lack of sunglasses causes my morale to break even earlier than usual.

It’s Robin’s Turn. Turn 4 of the game. He draws “I’ve got too many stars ....” his mumbled comment can only mean one thing: a creature so powerful that it requires a Tribute greater than he could possibly supply. This must be one with seven or eight stars on it, which means one thing, if I can remember it properly: RYURAN, the Dragon’s Egg. The only card in the deck with a raw summoned power over 2200. If he ever gets it out, I’m totally doomed.

Robin Turns his Dream Clown, activating it’s dire power. My Sonic Bird is destroyed without even having a chance to defend itself. I curse the day that I first saw the Clown as Rob intones “Are you finished..?”

My turn. Again... Not hoping for much, I pick a card from the top of my deck. With a gasp of relief, I summon MY Dream Clown in its attack position. For a moment, my future dreams look assured. But Rob flips his Trap Hole, a card which destroys any summoned monster with an ATK/1000 or greater. My Clown, alas, is of ATK/1200, so it is instantly discarded into my Grave Yard. “Gzhaaa!” Rob does a mini-victory dance in anticapation of his destruction of my current mortal form. “I guess it’s your turn... Are you finished?” I ask.

Rob answers simply by drawing from his Deck.... With a smug expression on his face, and an evil chuckle in his throat, he Sets a Magic. ... at least he doesn’t have enough Tribute for Ryuran ...
He turns his Dream Clown to its attack position. “Battle phase...” The way he says it, it’s almost a question. But not quite. He knows that I have no defense against his Amped-up ATK/1700 Clown. “4950.” My new Life count. Great. This game is looking like my first six, rather than my last two. The Moby track PLAYing on my Sony RXD-2 taunts me with its relaxed pace. It’s Porcelain from his PLAY album.

“I assume you are finished?” I ask my rival. He answers with a question “Are you finished?” He is done. His smug look and expression reveal his expectations for this Match.

I draw my card. It’s a useless Toon card. Without the Toon Magic, there’s no way for me to use it, even as a Tribute. Ugh.
I set a monster as a temporary Defense against his clown. “Are you finished?” “Yes.” Rob answers with a jovial expression.

He draws a card, doublehand draw, then Sets it with his right hand while his Left hand prepares to switch his Evil Clown to Defensemode. My Armed Ninja never stood a chance.

“Better watch them cliches. Are you finished?”

I answer by drawing from my Deck. Curses. CURSES.

I set my Creature, MukaMuka. In Attack position, it just might be able to take out his Dream Clown before it has a chance to shift back into Attack Mode. I hesitantly say “Battle Phase,” hoping that RobCHA’s bag of tricks is empty, for the moment. “My Mukamuka attacks your Dream Clown.” I take 500 Damage as his Black Pendant dissolves back into the darkness from which it was formed, but it was worth it, as I now stand without any opposition whatever to my Creature Assault. “Ok.” I say, peeking at my Hand. “Are you finished?” I ask as Robin Yawns.

He draws a card, then inspects it very carefully before laying it down. A Sonic Bird, the mirror of mine, which was so heartlessly slain at the hands of the cackling Clown just a scant few Rounds back.
“Battle Phase.” he states analytically. “My Sonic Bird shall ANNIHALIATE your Mukamuka!!” He shouts. And he is right. I discard my Mukamuka as he asks “What’s YO HEALTH DOWN!!?” “So, 4250 versus my perfect ATE-THOU-SANNNNDDDDDD!!!” he chortles. “I apolagize..” For a moment he appears repentant for his hubris, but then he demoslishes the mood with a low laugh.

“Are you finished yet?” I answer him with stone-cold silence, and draw my card.

I lay my entire hand on the table, two Magics and one Creature, Set in Defensive Position.
“Are you finished?”

He draws, then sets his final, his fifth MAGIC. Flipping it, he reveals Dian Keto the Cure Master. 1000 Life UP. Now the total is 4250 to 9000. The burned and blackened field between us is about to be charred more. “Battle Phase.” he says.

His Sonic Bird .. “versus... I don’t even know.” I flip up my Toon Mermaid, revealing an honorable DEF/1500, just enough to stand against his Bird. But his Rush Recklessly just might be enough to turn the tables on ME.
“Sorry” he says, almost apologetically, as his Bird rips through my Toon.

”Are you finished.” It is a statement now. He knows that there’s no hope for me to ever defeat him. I’d tend to agree, but I want to go all the way to the bitter end. I draw a card defiantly from my Deck... and throw it down in disgust. Another Magic card... Useless!!!

“Are you finished?” I have to repeat his phrase back at him like a parrot staring into the maw of a meat grinder. The tones of my Ghost in the Shell OST play mournfully on my Sony dischanger as he takes his turn.

Drawing a card, he slaps it down on his magic field. This makes a total of four magics on his side, so he still has plenty of room for manaeovering. “Battle Phase, Sirr?” it’s his best attempt at a witty British accent, and a good one at that.
I have nothing to say, as none of my cards can do anything for me at this point. “Sonic Bird takes you.” It is a simple statement. “That makes it 2850 to 9000.” Again, my health is failing. I don’t know if I can find it in myself to go on, but I hopefully look at the top card of my deck. Maybe, just maybe, it might be the Creature I need to fight back--to win back the tables from this untarnished behemoth of destruction. But it isn’t my turn until he says “Are you finished?”

I take my card. YES!! I barely resist screaming out as I lay it in Defense Mode. “Are you finished?” I return his gaze with one of my own, this time one which is as cold as the fire that burns within my heart, the fire of revenge gotten after great pain... Revenge bought with death and blood.

He draws. “Wow!” He slaps down a creature card in Defense POSN.

But just at this moment the door opens. “Dinnertime....” Curses!
Break to dinner....
Robin arrived back at the scene a moment before his brother. Finding the open laptop on which this account was being written unguarded, he cannot resist the temptation. He makes a comment to the effect that the ‘He’ in “He draws. “Wow!” [...]” was RobinCHA-kaBOOMgarang, followed by another stating that he never, in fact, uttered the “Wow!” his brother attributed to him. A page break.
Will his brother fail to notice the change? Doubtful.

“Dost thou Sonic Bird strike my concealed heart?”
Battle PHAZZZZZZE: YOU’ FOO’l !!
[At this point, Robin takes over.]
He indicated with a gesture the intended assault. His brother flipped the Toon Alligator, a dreaded creature with DEF/1600. Robin quails to his very soul, but only for a moment! He flips his Reinforcements. “Ha! Ha! Ha!!” “Merle, the score ... is now ... 2850 to 9k.”

“Are you finished?” “Yeah ... I’m finished.” he said absently, having forgotten the running joke of the battle.
“Your turn.” Robin reminded.
“Umm... your turn.” His heart is no longer in this match.

A card ... Robin drops it on the table. “Are you finished?”
“You’re done? You’re not attacking me? Yeah.” He draws, and sets a Magic. “Are you done?” says I.

My turn, and my play; Here it is, the dreaded Toon World! Out it comes, having been hidded for so long. And close on its tail, comes the ultimate Tribute Summon ... “Blue Eyes Toon Dragooooooooooon!”

“Yeow!” Merle replies.

“Are you finished?” Rob announces.
“Yes, I’m finished.” he answers himself.

Merle draws. “Hmm ...” “Hmmmmm .... I think I am going to De-Spell Toon World!”. Both the Blue-Eyes and the Toon World march off to the graveyard.

“Are you finished.” Merle says, his confidence restored fully.

I draw.., and Mask of Darkness hits the desk. “I’ll start my Battle Phase.” I say.
“Hah!” “Bring it on!” he replies. I come back with “1950 to 9000.”

“Your turn.”

He sets his last Magic with his draw. “Your turn.” he says.

My draw ... Aqua Madoor hits the deck. “You better have something .. up your sleeve!” I cry.
“Battle Phase!”
He interrupts me with a Dark Hole. Two more monsters waltz off to the Graveyard.

“Your turn.” I say on the screen. He draws, and drops it straight into the empty slot, with two words: “Your turn.”

Another turn, another draw. Having nothing better, my draw lands straight on the table, a Rogue Doll. “Battle Phase?” “OK.” he says, nonchalantly.

I tap the doll meaningfully. He flips the Waboku, which would stop all the damage, if I let it. “Seven Tools of the Bandit.” I say, matching voice to action. I ignore his curses, as I compute, “350 to 8000.”
“And your turn.”

He sets his drawn card, but it is a Monster. What is it?

“Hmm?”

He shows me the card; Change of Heart. I let it happen.
“I attack .. with my Rogue Doll. My Reinforced Rogue Doll.” I show my Enchanted Javelin, which will effectively negate his power. “OK.” he says, meaning that this threat is over. “You’re done?” he says. “Yeah,” I reply.

I draw. I place a Magic, and flip it to reveal Mystical Space Typhoon. I annihalate a Stop Defense on his side.
“Battle Phase.” I say, seperating the words. “Rogue Doll hits you.”
“Ah, me?”
“Oh.”
“I think you forgot something, Rob.”

“Then I hit Konami®.” I reply.
He revealed Mask of Darkness. and takes a trap card out of his graveyard, Waboku.
“Your turn, as soon as that mask goes to the grave.”
He picked up his hand and his draw with one swoop of the right hand. He set a magic and a creature. From his gestures, I inferred that my turn had come.

I drop a Magic, and flip it over. Stop Defense both righted his Set monster and turned it to attack. A Red Archery Girl. Tough, but not tough enough. “Battle Phase, if you please.” My Doll killed his Girl, with 200 DMG to spare. 150, 8000.

“Your turn.”

He drew, and set his hand down. “Your turn.”

My draw was useless at the moment. I set it aside, and declared my “Battle Phase.”
“Rogue Doll against you.” He flipped his Waboku carelessly. “Ok.” I said, sure that his last defenses were gone.

“Back to you.”
He drew, looked at his cards, and said, “Your turn.”

I drew. A sigh escaped my lips. “Battle Phase” also escaped. “Ok.” he drawled. “I set my Rogue Doll on you.” was my retort.
“I guess you win.” he said lackadasically.

The duel was over.